Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize