I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
