hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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