Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
