omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
