You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
