i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My day in three words: secret purse cake
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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