man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
