margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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