i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
