google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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