I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
