so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
