This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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