I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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