just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
