What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
