you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
