Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
