at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
