I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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