Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
