I wish I only lived at night.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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