Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
