Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
