Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
