Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
