i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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