Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
