I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize