tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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