it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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