Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
