I wanna bring you to show and tell
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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