Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
