Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
