It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
