one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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