Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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