i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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