So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
