I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
