question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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