Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
