just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
