i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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