I want to have your abortion
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
