I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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