every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
