first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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