On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
