Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
