I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
