Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
