if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Randomize
