I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
