I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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