I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
