legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
