her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
