you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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