I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
