Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize