Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
