I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
