Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
