but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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