1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
