Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
