I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
